Coming to Terms With A loss – An autistic Perspective

There comes a point in everyone's lives where they have to experience loss, not like the loss of a toy or a laptop. losing a friend or a relative, the only thing I can say is that it's hard. When you have Aspergers like me, it's even more complex.

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There comes a point in everyone’s lives where they have to experience loss, not like the loss of a toy or a laptop. losing a friend or a relative, the only thing I can say is that it’s hard. When you have Aspergers like me, it’s even more complex. 

SamaritansThere are things that some people, are naturally able to process. Sometimes when something happens in my world, I find it very hard to understand the emotions that come with it. For me, there are those emotions which I readily understand and there are those which I don’t.

It’s very difficult to explain what it actually feels like, the honest approach would be to describe it as empty, completely void of feelings, utterly unable to process anything of use or build and understanding of what may have happened. There are few words which vocalize in a way which is useful what has happened but this, this is normal.

It’s very important to remember that grief is something which everyone experiences and something which is natural and important, some people will feel immediately sad or devoid of all emotion – for me, feeling low or without much emotion at all is something which is definitely business as usual for me. For most, feeling this way is hard. The hardest part for me was the incessant crying and general inability to talk about things, all of which, I am told is normal too.

It’s also important to remember it’s okay to not feel at your peak during this time. It’s also not unusual for people to feel completely normal and it doesn’t make you a bad person, some people don’t experience anything at all, others feel everything at once and then it’s over & for some, the feeling of melancholy can last for a very long time. Again all of this is normal.

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I have done a lot of research into this & I confess, this all sounds confusing to me, I take a lot of comfort in the fact that feeling rubbish and not processing why is all okay – though feelings of depression should not be suffered alone and should be talked about! It’s not okay to feel depressed for a long time & it is definitely not a good idea to hold it in and not talk to anyone. You should always consider talking to someone close to you about how you feel & if that isn’t something you can do, you should consider calling a confidential, anonymous service, like the samaritans or if you work for someone like me, you probably have an Employee Assistance Program or EAP – like phone counsellors to talk things through.

The reason I am writing this post may be unclear to most, but it’s quite clear to me. I am writing this, in the hope that it helps someone, somewhere to understand what it is that they feel and that this feeling or complete lack of feelings is normal. Help is everywhere and people will naturally come together at times like these. Everyone is going to go through this but you’re not alone, you should never feel that way!

About Samaritans

If you’re concerned about suicidal thoughts, you can contact us anytime. We’ll help you sort through your feelings, talk through your options and, hopefully, find a way forward.

You don’t have to give your name, and you can talk for as long as you like.

To talk to us straight away, call 116 123. Emails take a bit longer to reply to, but sometimes it helps to try and write things down first. Email


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Jay Gordon-Rolfe
#Blogger, #Proud #Gay, Fiancé to @StevieG26, #Awesome #Autistic & creator of #Random things on @Youtube. Occasionally Tweets about life & Writer of this blog.


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